Dearest,
I loaned you my ipod in good faith a little while ago. I saw you take it to the computer and tinker with the song selections.
I know its embarrassing it’s only an ipod shuffle. Thus we only have 100 songs or so to choose to upload at any given time (although I remember a time when that would have been heaven). So we must choose with discretion. Frankly, I thought I’d struck a pretty good balance and was puzzled as to what you’d want to remove and dubious as to what you’d want to replace. I thought, “What’s the worst he could do?”
A fair bit, as it turned out.
But this was months ago, and I’d forgotten all about it: up until the other night when I decided to go for an evening stroll.
It was a postcard Melbournian Spring afternoon, with crab apple blossoms dusting the air, and a canvas of blue sky. Who wouldn’t want to go for a walk through that?
So I tucked in the earphones and strode off.
#1 – Betterman by John Butler Trio. (Three Album)
Ah, crud. Look, I don’t mind the John Butler Trio. Fantastic Aussies, blokes not afraid to take a stance on political issues. However – I’m sick to bloody hell of them! How many times do I have to listen to their albums!
SKIP
#2 – Funky Tonight by John Butler Trio. (Grand National Album)
Not again! Actually, though, I like this song and the uptempo beat is good for the cardio.
#3 The River by Live (Songs from Black Mountain Album)
Oh, sensitive husband. Ever loyal to the Live boys, even though this is the only half-decent song from their latest (poor) album. Because Live is one of my favourite bands too, I listen.
#4 This Is How a Heart Breaks by Rob Thomas (…Something to be Album)
This more like it!
I punch up the volume and adopt the geekish stance of the power walker: elbows bent, so it looks like I’m impersonating a duck and swing them! Swing them high!
Then, with the volume up high, this happens…
#5 Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne (The Best Damn Thing Album)
I grip my ears in pain, pain!
Sweet Jesu! Why?! Why must you torture me? Please explain your love of this sk8tr ingenue to me, because I really can’t understand it. You do realise how young she is?
(Yes, I suppose you do…)
SKIP
#6 Hanging Around by Counting Crows (This Desert Life Album)
All I can say about the Counting Crows was thank God you found the Dave Matthews Band when you did.
SKIP. PAUSE BUTTON
Feeling rather despondent now, and fearful my walk was going to be ruined by half-rate songs, I return my attention to the surroundings, only to discover my vision is diminishing in the early evening light. Walking along a busy road, I get an occasional ‘toot’ from cars as they drive past, but that may have less to do with their sexist catcalling and more to the fact that I seem to be in deep discussions with the ipod. Holding up the little stick in front of my face, like an offering to God, I plead with my creator, “Please God, let my husband have kept one good song on here!” The cars drivers may have sensed the crisis. Maybe they’re in the middle of their own plea bargains in relation to their tuned radio stations.
PLAY BUTTON
#7 If only she knew by Michelle Branch (The Spirit Room Album)
God, have you forsaken me?
SKIP
#8 Lala by Ashlee Simpson (Autobiography Album)
Oh for F*CKS sake!
SKIP. PAUSE.
I fall to my knees, defeated. Head tucked down into my chest, I mourn for the passing of my favourite songs.
“You okay?”
A resident of the house I’ve stopped in front of has just pulled up into his driveway. He’s hoicked a laptop bag out of the passenger side of the car, and is looking for a polite answer from me so he can scurry inside.
“Yes, sorry,” I say, getting up, feeling foolish. I wipe away tears. I have been crying. “I – ah – never mind.”
The man shrugs and heads indoors.
I press PLAY.
#9 Hey Jude by the Beatles (Hey, Jude Album)
Oh, happy moment! One of my songs! He didn’t erase them all!
I sing along. Elated, I couldn’t give two tosses if people look at me funny when I’m saying Na- na- na- na- na- na- naaaaaaaa! and Jude-judiejudiejudiejudiejudie!
Sweet times.
#10 Everybody (Backstreet’s Back) by Backstreet Boys (Backstreet’s Back Album)
Uh – yes…..uh, yes. This one’s mine…..
Deflated, uncertain in the knowledge that perhaps my taste in music isn’t infallible, I decide to head home.
God, in his benevolence, offers one final reprieve:
#11 Grace Kelly by Mika (Life in Cartoon Motion Album)
Ah, the preppy, boppy, bubbly tunes of Mika. Will he still be around in two years time? Who knows? Does it matter?
Once I get to the front door, I take a moment to reflect on what I learned on the walk: It’s that no matter how bad your taste in music might be, it’s never so bad as when compared to someone else’s. Which fills me with the right amount of righteous indignation to shake my finger at my husband as soon as I walk in the door and ask,
“Did you put all this crap on my ipod?”
This is a true story, But as we have seen before, I can often dress up truth for the dramatic benefits of a wider narrative. I’ll let you decide where the light and shade goes….
For Julie’s Hump Day Hmmm this week.
